The Mayo Clinic had an article the other day on snoring.  They suggested the following: 

1. Sleep on your side to help prevent snoring.  Lying on your back allows your tongue to fall backward into your throat, which narrows your airway and partially obstructs airflow.

      2. To stay off your back, try sleeping in a tight fitting T-shirt with a tennis ball sewn or attached to the back.  This uncomfortable trick will remind you to roll over.

      3. Raise up the head of your bed by about four inches.

Personally, I think a well placed pillow over the snorer works best!

Allan and I are always saying “It’s five o’clock somewhere, so we might as well pour a glass of wine.” And we do. But now I’m beginning to think we might have a problem. A magazine article that I was reading the other day cited a statistic concerning wine consumption in the United States and it was pretty scary. According to the Wine Market Council, the average person consumes almost three gallons of wine in a year.

Even though we knew the calculations wouldn’t be good…we did the math and our worst fears were realized. We can easily down one gallon of Cabernet in a MONTH, and that’s not taking into consideration the nights we are with friends when the evening tally can go up exponentially!!

Those Wine Council statistics are so unbelievable…I think I might have to pour myself another glass.

Allan and I have been going through our clothes and putting aside the ones that don’t fit anymore.  We pile them in boxes and take them off to Good Will.

Many years ago, I did exactly the same thing only instead of going to Good Will, I dropped them off at one of those clothing drops that usually stand in parking lots. This one happened to be at a local Catholic church and unfortunately, as I dropped the clothing into the box…the car keys that I was holding in my hand, went along for the ride.

Ken, who was about 11 years old at the time, was with me and we ran over to the rectory, hoping to find someone who might have the keys to open the bin.  A priest came to the door and when I told him of my plight he bellowed “OH GOD!!!”

The priest had yelled “Oh God” with such conviction, that I stood there on his doorstep for a few seconds thinking he obviously had an “in” with The Almighty and the door to the clothing bin would miraculously be springing open any second.

No such luck.

The priest said he didn’t have any key and didn’t know what to do.  Ken said “I know what to do, Mom,” and off he ran back to the bin.

Before I knew it, Ken was diving head first into the box.  I got there just in time to prevent losing my car keys AND a child to a clothing drop.  I grabbed his legs and held on while the rest of his body was swallowed up by the bin.  He rummaged around and suddenly I heard the muffled cry “I found them!!!”

The priest was astounded at the cleverness of my son.  I was just thankful that his vaccinations were all up to date.

Have you ever noticed when you use a powder room in a friend’s home, that very often, the toilet tissue is rolled the opposite way from the way you put it on the holder in your own home?

I was thinking about this the other day when I changed the tissue. Here are the pros and cons as I see it for each way tissue could be put on the holder:

Tissue coming from over the top:

Pros:
1. Tissue comes off quickly
2. Looks nice…you can even fold the top piece into that little triangular shape like many hotels love to do

Cons:
l. Wind up pulling way too much tissue off at one sitting.
2. Very easy for a cat to whack the top of the roll and pull the tissue down all over the floor dragging it into your hallway and down the stairs.

Tissue coming from underneath:

Pros:
1. Amount of tissue is automatically regulated
2. Saves on having to run out to the store to buy toilet tissue

Cons:
1. Doesn’t look as pretty on the holder.
2. If someone has pulled it down too far and doesn’t roll it backup again, your bathroom can look untidy.

Allan and I used to travel back and forth from North Carolina to Connecticut on a fairly regular (no pun intended) basis, I had become acquainted with MANY bathroom toilet dispensers all along Interstate 81. Most of them function as you would hope and you can take as much TP as needed. Others, however, seem to have a little locking mechanism on the holder itself…limiting you to approximately two squares of tissue. That is really annoying. Usually you haven’t checked the dispensing system of the holder after entering the stall and you find yourself pushing the paper over the top and under about 20 times, while balancing on your legs over the bowl. If nothing else, your quadriceps get a great work out!! And sometimes you are all set to grab a handful of tissue only to find out…there’s none left!!! That’s really annoying since usually when you realize it, your neighbor in the next stall has just left the building and you have to now resort to furiously looking through your pocketbook for that Kleenex you blew your nose into awhile ago. (Hey…com’on…I know you’ve done that too!)

When we traveled to Russia we had to bring our own toilet tissue because what the hotels and public bathrooms supplied was the equivalent of industrial grade sandpaper and for the pampered American tush, that was a bit too much. But then we went to Africa where there WAS NO toilet paper in the public bathrooms…but that was the least of your problems since there was NO TOILET EITHER. You straddle the hole and pray that you have some of those used Kleenex stuffed somewhere in your pockets.

So even though the pros and cons for how you insert the tissue on the holder number the same, I prefer the tissue coming from underneath. Probably, because “underneath” is where it’s put to the best use!

Years ago, we were out to dinner with friends and with some folks we had never met before, and the topic of conversation turned to TV shows.  We all have Netflix and we were comparing notes about our favorite shows.

“There’s a great show called ‘Hung’ on HBO”, one of the new guys offered.  And then he lowered his voice a little and said, “And ‘Hung’ is exactly what you think it’s about”.

I’m thinking to myself…a show about people swinging from nooses? Geez…doesn’t sound like something I’d hang around for…no pun intended…but I said, “Oh thanks for the recommendation.  We’ll check it out”.  Then he told us about the show ‘Dexter’…which is apparently about a serial killer.  While he was trying to think of other shows to recommend… I was frantically trying to remember if I had already mentioned my last name or where I lived to him!

Another guy entered the discussion and our new friend said, “You really have to watch ‘Hung’!  And, once more, he lowers his voice and says,  “And it’s exactly what you think it’s about!”  Again, I’m envisioning the gallows.

Someone volunteered, “Oh yeah. ‘Hung”.  That’s the show about the gigolo.  It’s hilarious!!”

And then I got it.  HUNG.   Talk about an Aaaahaaa moment!

Now they were all on a roll and started raving about another show ‘Weeds’.  I’m thinking…those pesky green things in the soil that you spray Weed B Gone on?

And then…

I had another Aaaahaaa moment!!!

Being the mother of four children was an adventure every day. Being the mother of four BOYS was an adventure every minute. The boys always found something to amuse themselves with whenever they were left to their own devices. Most times the outcome was fine…other times, not so much.

There’s a product called Fun Tak that’s advertised as:  “a removable, long lasting, no mess, stain resistant and non-toxic blue adhesive for hanging posters, photos and drawings on the wall”

A fantastic product…until a child mashes it into his hair and for good measure, squishes it into a sibling’s tresses as well. “Removable” and “No Mess”?  I beg to differ.  I will, however, attest to its “Long Lasting” claim since 19 shampoos did not budge it. After a frantic call to the manufacturer for suggestions on how to get the stuff out of hair, the two culprits went to school for a week looking like 50’s Greasers.  It seems the recommended remedy of mineral oil was “long lasting” as well.

Another “hair” raising adventure was the day one child decided to rev up a “Rev ‘Em Up Racer” and while the wheels were frantically spinning…place it on his head. The wheels spun around his hair, resulting in the car being cemented to his scalp.  I tried to carefully free the car from his pate using scissors and razor, but he still wound up going to school for a week looking like Howie Mandel.

The folks at Poison Control were almost like family. I called them almost as much as I called my mother. One child swallowed Afrin pediatric nose drops resulting in the administration of two doses of Ipecac and a whoops pot. (Hours later, the same child confessed he really hadn’t swallowed them after all; he had poured them down the drain.)  One son swallowed Mr. Clean while another feasted on a box of chalk. We called Poison Control so much I worried I might have to start using an alias so DHS wouldn’t arrive at the front door to cart my kids away.

One day, a son was getting antsy because lunch wasn’t appearing on the table fast enough, and heard me mutter “I need help” . Imagine my surprise when an elderly neighbor who I hardly knew tottered up to my door and said “Is everything okay? Your son told me to come over because you needed help”.  And if truth be told, I would have put him to work making peanut butter sandwiches if it wasn’t for the fact the poor man could hardly stand erect.

A frog, a baby squirrel, numerous goldfish (one of which I had to feed with a tweezers because he was on his last fins and couldn’t get to the food), four white mice, a guinea pig, a Golden Retriever and a stray calico cat…all who found their way into our home – mainly because mom couldn’t resist those famous words “Mom, please. Can’t we keep it?” (And by the way…that half dead goldfish went on to live another two years. Go figure.)

And, I kind of miss those Mother’s Day breakfasts, when, after waking me at 5:30 am, the boys would insist I remain in bed while they prepared a morning feast in the kitchen. It was a sure bet I would eventually hear one brother hissing to another “Now look what you’ve done. You’ve sneezed all over Mom’s cereal” or ” Just pick it up and put it back on the plate”.  And how can I forget those 16 oz glasses of milk that accompanied the breakfasts?  (I still can’t forget them!!)

Yes, those escapades have given me my gray hair, but I wouldn’t have changed a single moment over the years. Mother’s Day for me was every day…and even though my boys are all grown up now…it still is.

I have a Kindle Paperwhite…and I do love it.   I’ve been amassing books to read on it from the Digital Libary and also from Amazon for my upcoming trips.  Reading books on it is a pleasure:  You tap the screen with your finger and the pages magically turn. Very convenient…particularly when I’m on the treadmill working out and reading at the same time.  But the other day I went to my local library to borrow AN ACTUAL BOOK!  It’s been awhile since I’ve held a real book in my hands so I was savoring the memories it held for me while I began reading.

Comes time to turn the page.

I tapped the page.

Nothing.

So I tapped it again.

Nothing.

Sometimes, I really wonder about myself!